Author: MovieFreakz

A new scientific study at the Research Center for Animals has revealed that every animal has their own version of Dracula.

“It’s basically the same type of thing in every animal universe” says John Telper, president of the Research Center for Animals. “For instance, dolphins have their own version of Dracula that in their language they call ‘Dolphin Dracula’”.

Further studies involving years of trial and error and image association revealed there is a Dracula in the rabbit universe, the bird universe, and also the praying mantis universe.

“In the rabbit universe there’s Bunny Dracula and basically he has a cape and a widows peak. And he’s like the 1992 Dracula where it’s Gary Oldman. So like at first he’s old as fuck with the weird hairdo and then later he turns into like a younger hot guy. But I guess it’s not like, a guy.” says Telper, who holds three doctorates in animal biology and cultural behavior. “It’s not like, a human man obviously it’s like a rabbit. But I guess to them that’s what a hot guy is. Like that’s what they would find attractive.”

He went on, “like in the gorilla universe, the girl gorilla or I guess a gorilla that’s gay would see the man gorilla and be attracted to that. And obviously there’s maybe some gorillas that aren’t as attractive to them. But there’s like a gorilla that’s probably the gorilla equivalent of like Timothee Chalamet IN THAT UNIVERSE. So if that’s like your type in guys, like the kind of waif type boy, BUT you were a gorilla then.. then I guess there’s like a gorilla version of that.”

“They don’t have like Tinder though.” clarified Telper. “Like they don’t have really any equivalent of dating apps, they don’t know what a computer is. We tried to show a computer to a spider and it bit me. Oh by the way Spiders have Dracula too. Which is weird because to me they’re sort of already like Dracula, right? Like they suck blood I guess. But no they have like a whole thing, I would honestly say out of all of them they probably are the most afraid of Dracula. Like they legit still think he’s real, which I don’t know, maybe. But I don’t really think so.”

Tech mogul Hinden Shultz, once dubbed “the Robert DeNiro of computers” has spent a record 7 million dollars on various plastic surgeries to look exactly like his idol, Sammy Petrillo. Petrillo starred in such films as Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla with Duke Mitchell.

“At first I was going to get a surgery to look like Tony The Tiger, but then I watched a movie that changed my life.” says Shultz. “Bela Lugosi Meets A Brooklyn Gorilla. There I saw a beautiful man name of Sammy Petrillo. That’s when I knew exactly who I wanted to look like the rest of my life.”

The surgery was performed by a Dr. Togar Yimp of the FreeVee Hospital for Plastic Surgery and Bones.

“I was cautious about performing the surgery, but then I was given 7 million dollars” says Yimp, a graduate of Berkeley College of Music.

“People on the street mistake me for Sammy Petrillo all the time, it’s great.” Says Shultz. “Sometimes they mistake me for Jerry Lewis and I scream at them. I actually want to kill people when they say I look like him! I look like Sammy Petrillo.”

Sammy Petrillo’s estate has issued the following statement: “That is weird.”

Dylan Mars Greenberg (Spirit Riser) has been tapped by Hasbro to direct an R rated film adaptation of beloved construction set TinkerToy.

In the film, a TinkerToy ventures into the real world in an attempt to become part of the worlds biggest skyscraper. Along the way, it engages in raunchy human activities such as drug use and sexual intercourse.

The film will be the first to be shot entirely using a “non physical camera” in which sensors will be implanted into the director’s optical nerves in order to capture the action.

“This is going to completely revolutionize filmmaking” says the 26 year old, who’s film Spirit Riser recently premiered at Museum of the Moving Image. “I am a little worried about the side effects, but as long as the surgery goes well I should be able to capture the TinkerToy action from every conceivable angle using only my eyes, eliminating the need for costly camera crews. That being said, if the surgery does not go well, I am told I will likely pass on to the ‘chamber of Angels’ so to speak. However this is a chance I’m willing to take, mostly because they are paying me millions and millions of dollars to do this to me.”

Criterion, a leading authority in cinematic preservation, proudly announces the much-anticipated release of the never-before-seen three-hour director’s cut of the beloved 1965 film “Fun in Balloonland.”

This cinematic gem, a cherished childhood favorite for many, has enthralled audiences for decades with its whimsical narrative and imaginative storytelling. The newly discovered three-hour version offers an extended and unprecedented glimpse into the creative vision of the film’s director, Joseph M. Sonneborn Jr., delivering an enriched and immersive experience for both longtime enthusiasts and newcomers alike.

“Fun in Balloonland” captures the heartwarming tale of young Sonny’s enchanted journey through a magical world filled with vibrant balloons, unforgettable characters, and captivating adventures. The extended cut promises to delve deeper into the film’s parade sequences, unveiling never-before-seen sequences that showcase the meticulous craftsmanship and creativity behind this cinematic masterpiece.

Criterion’s dedication to preserving cinematic history has led to the unearthing of this extraordinary extended version, which sheds new light on the film’s narrative depth and artistic brilliance. This exclusive release reaffirms Criterion’s commitment to honoring and revitalizing timeless classics, offering audiences an opportunity to experience beloved films in a whole new light.

In addition to the restored footage, this Criterion release will feature exclusive bonus content, including behind-the-scenes documentaries, interviews with key creatives, and insightful commentary, providing an immersive journey into the making of this iconic film.

“We’re thrilled to present this extended cut of ‘Fun in Balloonland’ to audiences worldwide,” said Peter Becker, President of Criterion. “This release is a testament to our dedication to preserving cinematic treasures and offering audiences a fresh perspective on beloved classics. When I got home from the dog park my wife was very sick.”

The Criterion Collection’s three-hour director’s cut of “Fun in Balloonland” will be available on Blu-ray and digital platforms starting March 15, 2024. Don’t miss this opportunity to experience the magic of this beloved film as never before.

We all know the famous line from rapper “Ticklr”. “You stay hating on me, while your bitch swallows my jism. Ima make you live in the officially licensed Johnathan Rhys Davies Reality Prism”. And now, the magic has come to life.

In a groundbreaking collaboration between entertainment and technology, the officially licensed John Rhys-Davies Reality Prism is set to revolutionize the world of Reality Prism Technology. This innovative product promises an immersive experience curated by the esteemed actor himself, known for his iconic roles in beloved films like “Indiana Jones” and “The Lord of the Rings.” And better yet, it is officially licensed.

“It’s Is My Prism.” – Johnathan Rhys Davies

Developed in partnership with leading specialists, the officially licensed John Rhys-Davies Reality Prism offers users an unparalleled opportunity to delve into the actor’s illustrious career. Through this officially licensed prism, fans can explore a multitude of interactive experiences through the prism. The prism is the first to be officially licensed by the actor, and cannot be imitated legally or physically.

“When I was initially offered to endorse the officially licensed John Rhys-Davies Reality Prism, offering fans an immersive journey into my diverse roles and cinematic experiences, I said no way.” expressed John Rhys-Davies. “But then they said they would make it unofficially licensed, so I said, alright. So now this product is officially licensed by yours truly, JRD (John Rhys Davies) from movies and shows. It’s is my prism.”

The officially licensed nature of this product ensures that fans can relish an authentic reality prism experience. With a focus on quality, credibility, and genuine content, users can enjoy a seamless experience designed to honor the legacy and contributions of John Rhys-Davies and all of the things he did in the prism before we knew about it.

“We are excited to partner with John Rhys-Davies to create an officially licensed prism that brings fans closer to the magic of his performances,” said a spokesperson for the factory that makes the Reality Prism from the article that we wrote. “This collaboration underscores our commitment to delivering cutting-edge technology fused with an official license from Johnathan Rhys Davies. “

“Please buy this prism, and don’t borrow one from a friend, by the way.” added the spokesperson. “We don’t have a lot of money, so we’d prefer if you spent a lot of your money on this prism. Don’t give yours to someone else as a gift, buy them a separate one. That way we make more money. Ok, thanks.”

The officially licensed John Rhys-Davies Reality Prism is slated for release at this years Coachella festival, promising enthusiasts an immersive journey into the captivating world of one of cinema’s most revered actors. John Rhys Davies will be broadcast to the festival via Satellite to update people on if they can still buy or own the prism. Each person will be given a number of tokens which they can redeem either on a payment plan for the prism, or a biological “bio-chain” remix of “Ima Make You Live in the Officially Licensed Johnathan Rhys Davies Reality Prism” by Ticklr. Stay tuned for more updates and prepare to embark on an unforgettable augmented reality adventure with John Rhys-Davies.

For media inquiries, please contact John Rhys Davies.

Fans of the classic television series “Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.” are in for an exciting treat with the launch of the “Gomer Pyle NFT Augmented Reality Experience.” This innovative project combines the timeless charm of Gomer Pyle with cutting-edge technology to offer an unparalleled journey through the show’s beloved world.

Revisiting the Gomer Pyle Universe

Step into the boots of Gomer Pyle himself and explore the iconic settings, characters, and moments from the beloved TV series. This augmented reality experience, backed by NFT technology, promises to transport fans and newcomers alike back to Mayberry and Camp Henderson in a way never before possible.

Key Features

• Augmented Reality Magic: Utilizing state-of-the-art augmented reality, the Gomer Pyle NFT experience allows users to interact with the show’s characters, visit familiar locations, and relive classic moments.
• Officially Licensed NFTs: Each NFT in the collection represents a unique piece of the Gomer Pyle universe, with the opportunity for fans to own exclusive digital collectibles from the show.
• Engaging Storytelling: Immerse yourself in the lighthearted and endearing stories that made Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C. a television classic.
• Community and Collecting: Connect with a community of fellow fans and collectors, trade NFTs, and dive deeper into the Gomer Pyle experience.

Coming Soon

The “Gomer Pyle NFT Augmented Reality Experience” is set to launch soon, and it’s already generating buzz among fans of the show, pop culture enthusiasts, and tech-savvy collectors. Stay tuned for updates on the release date and how to join in on the Gomer Pyle nostalgia.

The scene in which M3GAN cuts a monkeys hair was removed from the film for being “too silly”

Film buffs may note early press screeners of M3GAN were about 10 minutes longer. This is because of an extended scene in which M3GAN cuts a monkeys hair.

Reportedly the scene was cut for being “too silly” and “not having any bearing on the plot”. The scene also ran about “10 minutes” which early test audiences said “was too long for M3GAN to give a monkey a haircut”.

But not everyone is happy with this decision.

“If I’m paying to see the movie, I want to see the whole movie.” says movie fan “Gordon”. “I want to see the doll cut the monkeys hair. I am so upset right now.”

It is 100 years of the Simpsons TV show and this year they are celebrating with a Simpsons themed Coachella festival. That’s right Simpson fans – here’s to 100 more!

Everyone at Coachella will be painted to look like Simpson characters to honor 100 years of the beloved cartoon.

“I love the Simpsons so this is gonna be a big treat.” Says Robert DeNiro, director of the Simpsons and creator of Coachella

“I directed the Simpsons from 1958-2002. It was the best gig I ever had. I like acting but I LOVE Simpsons. The Simpsons are sick animals that are yellow because they are unwell. If we paint ourselves like Simpsons, we will become them. I invented the Simpsons while I was swimming in an old country river.”

Wow! All we can say is #D’oh ! Because that’s what Simpsons are all about, in Hollywood and around the world.

For Kanye West and Pete Davidson fans, it looks like a real treat is coming our way. Kanye West and Pete Davidson are gonna star in a scary Halloween movie together!

The movie, to be directed by Ramesh “Sunny” Balwani in his directorial debut, is said to feature “ghosts and witches galore” and will even have a musical number!

“We wanted to make a movie for Halloween, so we’re gonna pack in as many scary ghouls and skeletons as we possibly can.” says the film’s executive producer, Grimes. “We’re basically aiming to make a huge, spooky fright fest that will scare you out of your wits. It’s gonna star Kanye and Pete and they’re going to get so scared!”

Continues Grimes, “I spent 300 million dollars of my own personal money on this. If this doesn’t go well, I’m ruined. The movie needs to make that 300 mil. It’s an expensive movie, because we had to get so much Halloween stuff.”

Lights, Camera, Action! We’re so excited to see what this spooky movie has in store for us this October!

Movies just got weird. Weird movie fans are in for a huge treat because the weirdest movie ever is filming right now.

The weirdest movie is directed by Steve Spielberg. Fuck. I mean Steven Spielberg. But I guess Steve is his name still. So I didn’t fuck up that bad. I’m sorry guys I’m honestly so anxious about this, I’ve been freaking out that I was going to fuck it up when I was writing this and I think the more I worry the more it actually does make me fuck stuff like this up.

The website doesn’t let you do backspace on it so you have to spell everything perfect. People ask me why I would make a website that doesn’t have backspace and I said I don’t know. But I wrote the code like that and guess what I can’t delete it because what did I just say? That’s right there’s no backspace that’s how it’s designed. So if I fuck up when I’m doing an article you can’t get mad at me. Because it’s really really hard to do this.

The weirdet movie ever will be out in theaters next summer. FUCK.